Fraud. That is the word I used to describe myself to my friend in an email last week. I told her that I feel like a fraud having a blog about healthy eating while my eating has taken a turn for the worse. I explained how hard it is to post about nutritious foods while I'm finding myself eating garbage.
When I wrote that, I was feeling a little hard on myself. I really don't believe that about myself. I recognize that my version of unhealthy eating is still better than the average American diet.
Over the course of the past few months, I've let more and more junk into my diet. I've gained five pounds and I kind of think that stinks.
I have to say that my weight is still relatively great - a few years ago I would have loved to weigh what I currently weigh. In fact, my current weight is the same as what I graduated from high school weighing - and I was kinda cute back then!
I've had a few things that have not been working in my favor.
1. This darn never ending winter! Today is April, 20th. I woke up to snow. It makes me feel blue.
2. Bad cycle. I'm down about eating lousy - so what do I do? Eat lousy.
3. Poor stress management. I've been eating my stress rather than working it off at the gym lately like usual.
Sunday was my low point with food. We had some family stresses that day and my eating reflected how I was feeling. At one point I found myself feeling so full that I was sick to my stomach but still shoving in more snack mix and licorice nonetheless. I felt like a character on a mediocre made-for-tv movie about an eating disorder. I went to bed with a tummy ache. While I lied in bed, I made a decision. Enough was enough. The last few days have been much better!
My "Operation Enough is Enough" Plan:
Let it go.
Forgive myself.
Love myself enough to MOVE ON.
So what if I gained five pounds? It's hardly the end of the world. The sooner I stop fixating that and start making better choices the sooner I feel like "myself" again. Nope, I haven't felt like myself at all while I've been making crappy choices.
I stumbled across something I had written about weight months ago. I wrote it at a time when I was feeling invincible. I was positive that I had figured out the food thing once and for all. I never posted it because it didn't feel appropriate. Somehow it does today. Hopefully it will be helpful to you too!
A Word About Weight
This blog hasn't been and won't be dedicated to weight and the act of losing it. The reason why I am writing about this is because I'm sure that many people will stumble upon this blog in their journey to becoming a healthier weight.
Thankfully, I never had a huge (so subjective) amount of weight that I needed to lose. Although, I was once 35 lbs heavier than my current weight and many times 20 lbs or more above my current weight. My body doesn't handle the extra weight well. My blood sugar is out of whack when I'm not taking care of myself.
On that same note, my husband has also been heavier. His top weight was 40 lbs above his current weight. His cholesterol is screaming at him when his weight is not at a healthy number.
For both of us, when our weight is not at a healthy number, we require medication. Somewhere along the line, we decided that making poor health choices and treating the side effects with medication was not a life we were willing to live. Sure, if we made good choices and then needed medication, why not. But to treat something we had control over, did not feel acceptable to us.
In a quest to lose weight, we tried all of the diets out there. I am thankful that we are not playing the diet game anymore. We have moved on and would never go back to that.
We wouldn't go back to a lifestyle that suggest that bacon is healthier than carrots because it has fewer carbs. We won't be on diets that suggest that a chemical laden ice cream sandwich is somehow better for you than an apple with almond butter since it's lower in calories.
Here's what works for us. We choose to eat for HEALTH. We choose to exercise for FITNESS.
When we decided to stop worrying about the number on the scale and to start eating for HEALTH, that's when our health (and weight) changed. If you choose to fill your body up with foods that nourish it because you want to be in the best health possible, having a great body is just a happy side effect.
Don't get me wrong... I do keep an eye on my weight. I do that with a different lens than before. Now if I see the number creep up a bit: I know that I need to chill out on making healthier treats. I need to load more veggies onto my plate. I need to not have that glass of wine and go for a cup of tea instead. It's about balance.
May I please suggest this...
If you are trying to lose weight, let it go a bit.
Instead, think of changes you can make for health.
Make a list.
What is on your list? Maybe things like: stop drinking soda, eat smaller amounts more frequently, don't order fast food, cook more at home, try new veggies, cut back on sweets, etc.
Then not all at once, but rather, one at a time ~ TACKLE THAT LIST.
Pick one thing to change. When that change becomes so automatic that you forgot that you were working on it, pick another thing to tackle.
You can do it!
